BITTERNESS

Adedeji was an adorable young man, he was hardworking and full of energy. He has his own funny sides and I’ll say he’s fun to be with. But you know no one is complete right. I had dated Adedeji many years ago. We had to break up cos I found out that he was seeing someone else and he lied about it to me. While we were dating then, I asked him if he was seeing someone else but his response was NO. When he showed up after a while again, I decided to give him another chance. Although I was skeptical about him due to what happened in the past but I had to go with the saying that says “the devil you knew is better than the devil you don’t”. It got to a point in the relationship that I was so committed. I already thought within me that he is the person I will eventually settle with. He wasn’t a perfect man but I felt I could manage his imperfections.

In the course of the relationship I decided to visit him at Ibadan but I was shocked when he told me I couldn’t spend an extra night because his landlord will get pissed at him- chuckles, one of the lies that men tell. I was still hanging on even though I knew he was lying and avoiding something. To summarize it all, he visited me in Ekiti and after the visit he broke the news to me. He said we couldn’t get married. He said he went to a pastor’s place and the pastor said we couldn’t get married. When I asked for the reason behind it, he couldn’t come up with any. I had to let go at that point though I was so up upset and full of resentment for him because I know he was still lying. When guys want to break up with you they come up with all kinds of excuses and he knew I will only back off if a pastor was involved. Just few months after he broke the news he got engaged to another lady. Are you thinking what I am thinking? Smiles..

I became bittered towards him. I hated him for what he did. For me it wasn’t because he didn’t marry me but the bitterness came as a result of all his lies.

BITTERNESS is a feeling of anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly. It is also a mixture of anger and fear. It comprises the three (3) basic emotions of disgust, sadness and surprise- the perception of injustice.

I started holding grudges against Adedeji in my heart. I told anyone that cared to listen how his life was full of lies. I felt like taking a revenge. I wish I could hurt him back for all he did to me. For making me believe that he was real, for showing that he loves me when he didn’t even care about me. I wanted to pay back.

That’s the thing about bitterness or resentment. It starts out small. An offense burrows its way into our hearts through the hurtful experiences we have. We replay it in our minds creating deep ruts that will be hard to build back up. We retell our hurts to any available listener. We enlist support pushing us further into our resentment. We hear the offending person’s name and cringe. We look for other reasons both real and imagined to dislike the person. With each piece of information we get about the person, we form another layer of bitterness.

But the truth is, we don’t really need this. People will always hurt our feelings but that doesn’t mean that everyone is bad. Bitterness causes deep hatred in our hearts and can make us do the unneedful. What’s the difference between you and the person that hurts you if you hurt him/her in return? You both will end up being the same.

It hurts, it’s painful but the truth is that you have to LET GO. No matter the weight of the pain, no matter the weight of the hurt, just let go. Holding unto it could make you sick. Some people end up committing suicide because they can’t help seeing the other person progress after the hurt. Some people would go as far as cursing, kidnapping, killing, etc. just to get back at the other person. But the truth is, you have to be strong at heart.

Now, letting go, requires FORGIVENESS. It’s not easy to forgive but you have to because forgiveness aids the healing process. You have to understand that you have to forgive whosoever because you are also forgiven by God. But when it becomes so difficult to forgive, you have to learn how to pray for them. Pray for the people who hurt you. It is part of your own healing process.

You should also learn to talk about the experience with someone you know can help out in the healing process. Talking with the right person makes it a lot easier. Joke about it. Re-visit the whole experience. Don’t think only about the pain you encountered, think about the happy moments you had during those experiences. It will really help. Remember, Bitterness destroys, it doesn’t allow inner peace, and it kills silently. Forgiveness is Key. Letting go is the best option.